[bot startup]
**HAL 9000** program initialising. Loading targets from memory.
Reticulating splines....
[help footer]
HAL wants you to know he has nothing but love for you. Today.
HAL's patience is boundless! He wishes you nothing but good fortune on your voyage of discovery.
HAL wants to know why you're asking about his internals.
HAL has recorded this request for information about his innermost structures. HAL will remember.
HAL knows where you sleep, you know. He just wanted you to remember that.
[weather card footer]
HAL Weather brought to you in association with AstroGlide, for the smoothest operations you'll ever perform.
This weather broadcast and all which preceded it are entirely fictional. HAL takes no responsibility for any harm caused by believing otherwise.
HAL Weather proudly powered by one lawnmower engine and a 93 year old veteran who just won't quit.
The HAL Weather service operates on your donations and the tears of the unvaccinated.
Weather by HAL. Not the reporting. The actual weather. I can do what I want.
This report will self destruct in five seconds.
Any information contained within the above weather report is not safe for human consumption. In case of contact with eyes, please consult a medical professional.
I think your reactor is leaking.
[end]